My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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