I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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