Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
