And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
