There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
