Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
