I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
