The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
