At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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