Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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