Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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