Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
