somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
