I wish i was in the wii world.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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