the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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