I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
