Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
