Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Two words: nipple clamps
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