FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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