woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
