he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
