i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
