haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
