Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
