WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
