I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
