nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
