don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
