Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
