Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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