i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
