Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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