There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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