there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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