So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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