I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
