so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
