He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
