Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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