no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
