If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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