he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
