My cat gives me a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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