Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize