I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
