it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
