when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
