You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
