I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
