my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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