Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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