Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
