In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Rumble strips road head = magical
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
