That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
