I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
