Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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