remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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