she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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