remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
