Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
