Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize