is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
