He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
