I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize