Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
