He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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