Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
