I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
