I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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