i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
