I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
